I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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