Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
