I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
