Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
