Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
