I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
