loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
