i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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