im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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