even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm always down for nudity.
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