she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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