VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
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