I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
