Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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