The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
