so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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