You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
