I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
