a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
