My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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