My sheets look like a crime scene.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
