Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
