i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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