it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
