i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
