I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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