his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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