I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
