i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
...so i touched it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
