Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
