Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
