i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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