i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
