Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
