he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
