her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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