why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
