you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
