Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
