The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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