Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just threw up on my dentist
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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