If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
