Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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