Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
