plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
