Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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