there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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