Yo dont text me then not text me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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