she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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