Apparently you make a good broom.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
