I'm so fucking centered right now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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