I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
